Should I Be Impressed?

I was riding the train into the city the other day, and this guy sat down next to me. I love the train. I often meet nice people, and have nice conversations. But I also have this ability to attract creeps. It's a life-long ability, actually, and it started when I was 14. Actually, Lindsay, when did we go to the Statue of Liberty? And was that me or was that my mom that attracted the one-legged cowboy stalker?

We were in McDonalds and I was preparing for my flight to Florida. A biker dude turned around and looked me up and down like I was a tasty Big Mac. Now for a guy to do that to a grown woman, maybe it would be less creepy. But a 14 yr-old with AA boobies? Def. creepy.

Another time - okay I'm seeing a pattern here - I was in Wendy's. I was 16 at the time. I had 2 elderly deaf men near me. One standing in front of me, the other behind me. They were signing back and forth and saying in very loud voices how attractive I was. I'll keep it cleaner than they did.

Home Depot - hippy man wouldn't give me a shopping cart until I hugged him. He was 60. I was 16. I call that creepy.

BYU - I was wearing clogs. It started to rain. A guy approached me a little too concerned about my wet, cold feet. And they weren't that wet. I flashed my engagement ring. See ya. I don't have sexy feet. I have Flintstone feet. Anyone interested in my feet needs to leave.

USU - again the clogs. Again the rain. Again another guy overly concerned about my feet and well-being. A flash of the wedding ring as I exited the shuttle shaking my head.

Pittsburgh - Pumping gas. Very sexy. Thug guy looks over. Shows me his new phone. It has music coming from its little speakers. Poor sound quality. Asks me where I'm from. Wants me to be very impressed with the phone. I am not. I finish pumping gas a little early and leave.

Oakland, CA - guy follows me from the BART station to the office of a non-profit I worked for. Telling me how sexy I am. Wanting to keep me warm. Loves my hair. I don't like that he's been following me for a block. I start a little run, and escape into the office.

BART yesterday - Thuggish Guy gets on and asks me about what exit to take. I tell him. Then he changes his mind. He wants to go to the airport instead. Says he has a flight to catch. Asks me if I work at the airport, because I look like I work at the airport. Forgets that I just overheard him saying he'd meet a friend in East Oakland (a.k.a. worst neighborhood ever) I tell him I don't. I get people green cards - no way I'm telling this Thug I'm a lawyer. He takes off his sunglasses to give me full eye contact, which I decline. I munch on my little gf pretzels and look out the window. Talking flatly. Wants to talk about his uncle's case. About his visa expiring. It's obvious that he's just trying to talk to me more, because the facts of his uncle's case are far from believable. Tells me he's not from the flats, but from the highlands. Also tells me he's very religious. He goes to the Mormon Temple up on the hill every Sunday. "really?" I say. Wondering if I should contradict him. I decide not to. This guy was way too huge to contradict. And I add another one to my list. My question to you, readers, and to myself, "Do people really fall for this crap? Because if they do, they're seriously desperate."